addds

Sunday, July 31, 2005

i onli met her on 2/7/05. juz a few weeks n she's gone. i still cant accept tat fact. i remembered the times i send her home. n she sendin mi home. the magnum ice cream u gave mi. the stars i gave u. the times i spend at ur home. where u'll flood mi wif food. stayin at ur house for dinner. the antiseptic cream u bought for mi when i scalded my hand in deli. playing bball wif sean they all. stayin over at ur house. everything we did together. misunderstandings hit n go. i miss u. i wish u all the best. i remember u. i wun forget u n things we've done together. i noe u wun wan ur frens to be sad. so i'll smile from now on. =)




u make mi who i am today. n life goes on.




kiwi's got a boyfriend now. wow. hahs.




my last pic with her. at prom. now i realise i have little pics. little pics wif those i treasure. those who has an impact in my life. vindicated.
no one has gotten over their loss.




thinkin back, i miss the times with her. i knew i bastard her a period of time. but y? coz i juz listen to wad they say too much. with no acceptance of her at all. with no thought of my own. it's juz so pathetic. if i didnt bastard her, would things change?



thinkin now. behind those smiley, cheery faces, how much do they hide? it's impossible to find a best fren n share everything wif him/her rite? if not, this might not happen.



WHY!?!?



sis was shocked when i told her the news yest. n she asked if alot ppl went for her wake. n i say ya. n she asked again, if it was her wake, would i even come. wth. wad a dumb qn. but yea, i dun like voicin my thoughts out. so sis, if u're readin, i WILL go for ur wake though it's not compulsory. but tat day wun come soon. it will be decades later k?



another thing tat suddenly went thru my mind juz now. too much compliments aint good. she's pretty. no, she aint pretty at all. she's cute. no, she aint cute at all. she's great dressing sense. no, her dressin sucks. she's style. no, it's disgusting. see wad i mean? whenever there's someone complimentin u, there's bound to be someone commentin u. so the amount of compliments would normally be tonnes of times lesser than the comments u get.



someone who has receive tonnes of compliments bout his/her looks -> hahs, i'm the prettiest/most handsome among them. so who cares as long as all the guys/girls are looking at me? who cares as long as the guys/girls tok onli to me? who cares as long as all the guys/girls who tok to me falls for me? (n if the person aint good lookin enough) eee. leave mi alone. dun come near me. blah blah blah.
this leading to being over confident, arrogant. n once they get hit by a ugly nasty comment, they might try shootin back. but if they cant, they might do nasty things to the one who say them.

someone who has receive compliments all his/her life normally has the mindset of them being the greatest, the best of all. thus givin them the mindset tat if someone aint as good as them, juz ignore or say some nasty things so tat they can have their revenge. pls, pls, pls THINK before u act/say anything. it can hurt someone damn badly.



stop acting as if u're realli so damn pretty/handsome. u're not! u are onli in some ppl's eyes. not everyone! diff ppl have diff perceptions. diff opinions. diff thinking. diff thought. u cant ever expect everyone to have the same kind of mindset, thoughts n thinkings. coz if tat ever happens, in this world there would hav much more peace. wif no conflicts or anything. no bombin or terrorist attacks. n u'll onli need one person on earth n tat's more than enough.



think i've typed too much rubbish in my entries. n i wonder if anyone realli reads n think bout y i write these nonsensical stuffs. maybe it means nuthing to u. but it means much to mi. everthing i type, i make an effort. maybe it makes no sense to u, but it's another to mi. maybe i'm juz repeating wad i have said before. it juz makes no sense. i'm tired. sometimes real tired from everything. i need a break. i need my sleep! i'm tired.


tat's life. it's juz so pathetic. when u dun have a tot of ur own. when others can control ur mind. n even ur life. n tat's life~




when i'm alone. tat's when i realli think.
i still very much want my bracelet back.
she's juz so silly.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

i'm still very very very very lost. very. haiz. read thru many's blog. it's juz so saddening. y would it happen? i think tat jeslyn might noe y. but guess we wouldnt be able to find out anything from her. ying ying doesnt even noe. hais.
damn. i juz cant sleep. keep waking up few mins after i fell asleep. n yea, it sucks. it's like i lost so much things within a few days. argh. i dunno how to feel.
kiwi -> action pack.
hahas. i'm so rite. rite? tsk tsk.

Friday, July 29, 2005

yest:
had a nice day. watched be wif u n cried like shit. it's realli a nice show.




today:
mood totally changed. received calls saying hew passed away. freak out. but went to sch for lect. saw ve ppl n jessica. had lect. gt a pleasant by moses. he said he n her are together. wow. stay in sch for lunch. discuss some points for marketin. kiwi they all left first. pang seh! hahs. den lao gong n her xiao lao po need go. so went home. bathed n went to sunplaza. i gt her a pink rose. den met jes at khatib n ky at bishan.


cried at the sight of her mom. she's juz so strong. i hope i can be like her. sat aside. didnt tok much. waited for gw. after he come den we offered our prayers. went in to see her. gave her the rose. i was controllin but i failed terribly. i cried like hell. esp when jes say she saw her drop a tear. hopefully she likes the rose.


she've gt lotsa of frens who came for her. n i wonder. would it be the same for mi too? i doubt so. i think i'll juz have a pathetic wake with no one even bother to come. n mayb no one would even noe tat i'm gone until a couple of years later.


i hate the sight of her juz now. i wanna remember her as the always happy gal tat i've known. i met her juz like a couple of weeks ago. she was fine. they say it's a car accident. but ya, it cant be. but wad happened to make u attempt suicide? sch or wad? if it's sch, take it easy mah. u can always ask for help. u're a very strong gal. even ur mom says so. so how could u be so cruel to leave us behind?!?! we, as ur frens, do care bout u lor. so how could u??


hew's mom was damn upset. i noe she's tryin to put up a strong front. it hit mi hard. wad she said. she feels lousy not able to make the wake bigger to at least accomodate all that have come. she asked mi not to realli get affected by the results. guess maybe she attempted it coz of her studies. i dunno. like wad tommy n wanling say, since she thinks tat she feels happier by choosing this path, we cant really do much. should juz feel happy for her ba.


i'll try to smile. i hope i can. but i cant promise anything. but one thing i can promise is tat i wun forget u. i'll oways remember the fun times we have together. 'cept for tat part tat i cared too much bout how ppl viewed me. i was too easily affected n influenced by wad others say then. yea, i suck. i've no right to care bout others now. i'm too self centered. to onli think bout myself n not others. to be exact, her. i did it wrong once so i'm trying not to do it wrong twice.


live like everyday's ur last day.


* i lost my bracelet. damn depressed. i miss him. i need him.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

i still wanna sleep!!! god i'm still so damn tired. my body's aching now. OMG. n great, dad called specially to ask mi pack up my room n stuffs. god. i'm gonna faint~ haha.

n damn kiwi! keep saying i act cute. hmph. u den act cute lor. hahs. i tell lao gong den u noe. wahaha.

think he sleep again. duhs. think i cant catch my movie. duhs once again. blahs.....

argh. mushy mushy. bth. hahas. think he was too damn drunk yest. but wad he say was kinda sweet. hahas.




maybe meetin him later for 'be with u'. hopefully i can catch it today. hahas.





but then, i'm so dead for not having finish my hw n yet enjoying myself. duhs.....

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

damn. so many mosquito bites. argh! muz be some followed mi home. damn mosquitoes. gonna kill them all!!!! hahas.




damn. think he's gonna find fault wif mi again. sucha ass. if i'm not happy, i wun be wif u! dumb ass.................. i juz dun like expressin myself. i'm a lazy gal. hahas.
somehow boliang noes i've a new bf which is him not alan. hahas. somehow. idiot. dun wan tell mi who say de. qian bian seh. hahas.
wahaha. i'm so damn tired now. but wth m i bloggin here? coz someone called wif a damn private no n woke mi up. tat person should be slaughtered!!! argh. anyway the class chalet aint tat bad afterall 'cept for some bruises by fallin off the bicycle n my butt hurts. hahas. played frisbee, mahjong n they cycled around. we bbq some food but tat pit thingy juz sucks! hahas. didnt have a filling bbq but it was fun though. esp wif my all the usual peeps, lao gong n lao gong de xiao lao po ard. =) hmm, i was kinda pissed by someone too. but she didnt spoil my day. lucky. keke.


jian yuan, lao gong n kiwi taught me how to ride bike. woo~ i noe how le. juz is if can ride den cant stop. if stop liao den cant ride le. lols. but lotsa them went off. left kiwi, ah neh, ah lian, xin mein her fren (ashley), fiona n me. they played mahjong in the middle of the nite n fiona taught mi how to play. actually i noe abit abit nia. juz still very blur. hahas. jm was bored on her way home. i was kinda bored too so when jm msg, kiwi's phone 'died' in my hands. lols.


den we went off. wanted to go to the beach bar but they changed there mind. so wanted to find tat perfect spot but juz cant find it. at first we went to the jetty. thanx kiwi for tong pang-in mi there. lolx. i helped u exercise u noe? hahas. it was a damn long way lor. n tat resulted in my butt hurtin for sittin on tat metal thingy too long. wad eva tat is called lah. hahas.


saw a man fishin sotong there! haha. cool. it was a baby squid. n it was so damn dark lor. his eye sight muz be damn gd. hahas. den we tried lookin hard to see the squid swimmin in the murky water n guess wad? we saw!! we saw some fish swimmin pass too. so cool! u guys should go see it some day. tsk tsk.


she wanted to go to the toilet. n wow, she asked ah neh to accompany her go when there's xm, ashley n me who are gals. alrites, if u dun ask xm or me, can ask ashley oso wad. she can tong pang u go wad. y muz call a guy? wun paiseh meh? duhs. anyway sometimes she do things too aggressively lor. if u dun like a guy, y muz act till like u like him? wad onli. i dun understand the mindset of u. but den, diff ppl have diff ways of handling stuffs. juz like mi liking to shoot ppl like ah neh n kiwi. tsk tsk. =P if i went overboard, sorry..


anyway after all those, we went to the beach n sat there to wait for the sun rise. ah neh being the pathetic n suay one had to tong pang xm n i to the loo. lolx. thanx for the ride though. oh ya. bloody hell, the sun didnt rise! we waited till 6 plus n it didnt rise~ so we gave up n headed back to the chalet. hahas. n great, the sun rise awhile after. wow. so cute hor the sun. haha.


played a bit of card games. search for some tidbits n ate while xm, her fren n fiona slept. i so proud of myself to be able to be awake after sucha long day. saw a cat n her kitten. the kitten was so damn cute!!!! took some pics of it wif kiwi's phone. he better upload it to me!!!! =D


kiwi fell asleep on the chair. n funny thing was he was sittin rite at the door. funny seh. n ah lian di siao by taking a pic when he slept n woke him up. hahas. den we had a funny way to decide who to bring wad's remainin home. how? by pickin a card n see who gets the smallest card n five packs of tidbits u shall bring back. n xm was the 'winner'. she had to bring 25packs home if i aint wrong. haha. funny seh. i onli needa bring 5 packs whereby one pack ah lian take den 3 i finish it wif ah neh helpin mi wif one. hahas. den onli had to bring one pack of sweets home. lucky mi. keke.


on the way back to bedok station, fiona was like a bit shagged but den she was so damn excited when she saw her adidas. wadeva tat guy's name should be. but yea, she doesnt noe his name so therefore a nick "adidas". hahas.


went home wif ah lian n kiwi coz same route.
i miss my ben mao. i miss buyin n feedin it with milk. =( but nah. i should b happy coz i had a great day! xm aint tat bad afterall. was able to click abit wif her le. hopefully we can click better. hehes. my whole body is aching. i need FOOD n SLEEP!!~ gosh. i'm feelin so lazy now. hmms. i love my frens!!! muahaha.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

niahahaks. gonna have class 'outing' later. kinda lookin forward to it. but kinda not oso. it rained heavily yest. n woke mi up. damn. i'm so tired now. wonder how i would survive later. i hope he can come n find mi some how. tsk tsk. but it's okie without him around. coz i love my frenz! =D

Monday, July 25, 2005

anyway, thanx ah neh for ur ang gu kueh. hahas. n remember to tag!! tsk tsk. =D
been out wif some peeps.
ah neh, kiwi n julian.
he was wif mi for awhile.
n left coz he has to work.
discuss bout tml.
hopefully it'll be a fun day out.
hopefully.
anyway today was kinda sucky for i was drenched coz it rained.
but happy coz i saw my ben mao.
hehes. =)